Thursday, January 24, 2013

Backed Up on the Porcelain Podium

As I am wrapping up my psych degree, I find myself even more curious about human nature.  I sometimes hear that people think psychologists/therapists are always analyzing people.  The gal counselors at WIU claimed that they weren't, and they probably weren't... Cognitive types like myself... we are.   Pop in my brain, and enter a frightening world where I am trying to 'figure you out'.   I am tempted to drop my FB account for example, but I love diagnosing the different personality mal-adaptations that surface, so I am an avid online voyeur.  Along, those lines, I wondered if people would read a blog post about constipation, a behavioral experiment of sorts.

Are you still reading?  It is fine, if you stop, but that would be odd, because you have made it this far, and I might have something useful to say about bowel movements. 

A 'podium trophy' of a different sort.
Anyway, the aging process is another phenomenon that I enjoy analyzing.  For example, I never used to pay attention to Ex-Lax or Dulcolax commercials when I was younger.  But, alas, I have started my annual winter body metrics adaptations and have been very sensitive to how much I weigh each morning. 

Yes, I know "weight is just a number"... well, a lot of things are 'just numbers' and they are very useful data within the world of science and technological advancement.  So, should my fecal matter count as my 'weight'?  Someone told me (an aspiring nutritionist) that you can amass 30 extra pounds of extra digestive material in your intestines.  Yikes... that would be 'dead weight' cycling up a hill.  If you know anything about me, from reading this blog, then you will know that I took this suggestion to heart and immediately began researching colon cleansing.  I want to get everything out of my 'guts' and see where I am at.  Maybe if I can master the art of laxative scheduling I can increase my power to weight ratio by 'eliminating' prior to every race.  A nice 5 pound pre-race evacuation could be the difference between getting on the podium, and suffering on the porcelain podium later that night... lamenting about what 'could have been' had you only found the internal fortitude to force out the excessive feces that was weighing you down. 

Speaking of forcing out fecal matter... during my research I learned that if you push too hard during your bowel movements you can actually expel portions of your intestines.  So, I have mixed feelings about my new performance enhancing training agendas. How hard to push the issue, seems to be the relevant question.

Speaking of pathology, athletes are susceptible to bulimia...  and yes, if I do start consuming laxatives to get my pre-race weight down, I will fit the diagnosis. 

And, speaking of talking shit...  Is Lance Armstrong a narcissist?  Of course.  Are you?  Chances are if you are a 'successful' competitive athlete you may have a touch of it... Narcissists are so self-involved and sensitive to defeat/criticism that they find that extra motivation to train and conquer.  This doesn't mean it is healthy, per se, just that it is why we know his name in the first place.  Personality disorders are not 'all bad'.  Staring at yourself in the mirror, and not liking what you see, could be what motivates you to start eating right and join a health club, for example. 

Type A personalities are more prone to heart disease due to their hostile/aggressive reactions... They are also very competitive compared to the Type B personalities.  If you have been in a race, you have crossed paths with a Type A personality.  If you enjoy racing for the competition, then you are a Type A personality...   Getting 'mad' because you got second place motivates future efforts, though it may shorten your lifespan a bit.   Being content with your improved health and current happiness regardless of the result is great, but doesn't win races.  So, do you want to 'win' or 'live'?  Can't you have both?  I think so, at least it is fun to try.  And speaking of trying, I am going to try to eat nothing but juice today... ridiculous.

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