Spring Season Existential Angst

I'm pretty fired up after reading about Existential philosphies.  I am invigorated to take responsibility for the fact that I am free to re-invent myself, and do not need to settle for a stale identity.  I can live an authentic life that engages me in activities that I feel are worthwhile, rather than merely reflecting a lifestyle that I feel is expected.  I am driven to connect with others, make committments, and become that which I am capable of becoming.

I am not going to blame others, be a victim, or wait for my environment to change.  It is my responsibility to experience life to its fullest.  No longer will I live life in a clumsy fashion.   Pedalling along aimlessly, mile after mile, alone on the rolling hills of Illinois.   Rather, my cycling lifestyle is shifting to a less competitive, more 'big picture' oriented perspective.  Beating other people is 'nice', but 'winning' is the goal.  Everyone who enters a race can 'win' depending on their attitude.

KENT PARK
Ok, it has begun.  I didn't enter the race, and had already arranged a weekend getaway that day to make sure I didn't succumb to my past bike-related obsessions.  Mission accomplished, as the race registration is closed.  So, no Kent Park for me this year... that is going to be 'different'.

I am a recovering cycling addict... I want to find more balance...  My training was so often isolating, which made sense at certain times in my life, but those times have past.  I am now strong enough to a lead a life in which I don't hide from my existential anxieties by burying myself in an obsessive training/racing calendar.   Once I stopped pedalling and took a good look around, I had to ask myself "where am I"?...

Well, I have arrived at a new vantage point, that will allow me to race my bike in an more healthy manner.  To that end, I am hoping to start my racing season a couple months later than in years past.  I can see why everyone is so hell-bent on getting out on the open roads, but there are 8 solid months to ride a bike comfortably... Nov 15th-Mar15th are NOT those times.  Actually, this has more to do with my occupational interests.  I simply have more free time in the summer, so that is when I will most appreciate having an active cycling agenda as part of my lifestyle.

Balance is the goal this year... I don't want to miss out on LIVING because I have my head buried far down into an AeroTT position, watching the pavement...  I want to look up and see where I am going, enjoy where I have been, and authentically appreciate where I AM.

Sequestered - The upside of isolation

Well, that last post was ridiculous, but suggests that I am not really that serious about racing my bike as of yet.  I am staying in shape, but currently pre-occupied with developing my group fitness instruction expertise and finishing up my master's degree.

Yes, I took a stab at losing weight, but after three weeks of 'trying' I realized that I would have to cannibalize some muscle to get the scale to budge, and I am not quite willing to compromise my physique so that I can climb a hill a few seconds faster.  Alas, I am just not that stoked about racing my bike yet.

Part of it has to do with being isolated.  In the past, I had a team to connect with.  Well, a lot as changed as everyone on Velosport (can't really call it American Equity anymore because they aren't sponsoring us, so I guess we are back to being a club team) is doing their own thing.  I used to also be able to stay connected with the sport by attending the Friday night roller races down at the local bike shop.  However, I haven't found the motivation to go down there this year, and sort of burnt out on doing the exact same workout year after year. 

So, I stay in shape with a pretty effective cycling and strength routine that I created using knowledge and experience I have acquired over the years.  I have tried 'connecting' by reading some articles on VeloNews, but there is always an article on Lance Armstrong that ends up discouraging my cycling even more.   Cycling is literally the laughing stock of the country right now (quips were made on "Modern Family" and "Parks and Recreation" for example), which isn't helping my morale.  I really wish I could have continued to live in denial, as the world was a much better place for everyone prior to exposing the 'truth'.  Oh well.

So, I am sequestering myself to my house for the next several weekends, as I would really like to finish up my last two courses.  I can knock off 3 or 4 chapters a weekend if I knuckle down.  The coursework is one of the reasons I don't blog as much, nor get as desperate to race my bike... I have other things going on that are equally fulfilling.  And, with so many papers to write, it is hard to justify using that energy to blog.

All it will take is a little 'boredom' to get me back on track for racing my bike.  I am staying in good shape so I am ready for whatever way my momentum shifts.  Currently, I think I may partake in a little 'protest' of sorts, as I really do like riding indoors compared to outside in the cold.  To this end, it is frustrating that so many races happen in the spring, then everything seems to fizzle out in the summer (June 22nd to Sept. 21st).  Summer is my favorite time to be on a bike... so maybe I will boycott the spring season.  Anyway, let me finish up my school work, so I can focus on whatever my next big goal becomes.  Maybe it will be bike related... if so, then I will continue chasing life on the bike...