Thursday, February 28, 2013

Spring Season Existential Angst

I'm pretty fired up after reading about Existential philosphies.  I am invigorated to take responsibility for the fact that I am free to re-invent myself, and do not need to settle for a stale identity.  I can live an authentic life that engages me in activities that I feel are worthwhile, rather than merely reflecting a lifestyle that I feel is expected.  I am driven to connect with others, make committments, and become that which I am capable of becoming.

I am not going to blame others, be a victim, or wait for my environment to change.  It is my responsibility to experience life to its fullest.  No longer will I live life in a clumsy fashion.   Pedalling along aimlessly, mile after mile, alone on the rolling hills of Illinois.   Rather, my cycling lifestyle is shifting to a less competitive, more 'big picture' oriented perspective.  Beating other people is 'nice', but 'winning' is the goal.  Everyone who enters a race can 'win' depending on their attitude.

Ok, it has begun.  I didn't enter the race, and had already arranged a weekend getaway that day to make sure I didn't succumb to my past bike-related obsessions.  Mission accomplished, as the race registration is closed.  So, no Kent Park for me this year... that is going to be 'different'.

I am a recovering cycling addict... I want to find more balance...  My training was so often isolating, which made sense at certain times in my life, but those times have past.  I am now strong enough to a lead a life in which I don't hide from my existential anxieties by burying myself in an obsessive training/racing calendar.   Once I stopped pedalling and took a good look around, I had to ask myself "where am I"?...

Well, I have arrived at a new vantage point, that will allow me to race my bike in an more healthy manner.  To that end, I am hoping to start my racing season a couple months later than in years past.  I can see why everyone is so hell-bent on getting out on the open roads, but there are 8 solid months to ride a bike comfortably... Nov 15th-Mar15th are NOT those times.  Actually, this has more to do with my occupational interests.  I simply have more free time in the summer, so that is when I will most appreciate having an active cycling agenda as part of my lifestyle.

Balance is the goal this year... I don't want to miss out on LIVING because I have my head buried far down into an AeroTT position, watching the pavement...  I want to look up and see where I am going, enjoy where I have been, and authentically appreciate where I AM.

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