Chad Bishop...Chasing Life: Iowa City RR

Ok, this title is misleading... the 2012 Cat 1,2 Iowa City Road Race was completely devoid of any pissing contests. As defined by wikepdia: A pissing contest, or pissing match, is a game in which participants compete to see who can urinate the highest, the farthest, or the most accurately. Although the practice is often associated with adolescent boys, women have been known to play the game, and there are literary depictions of adults competing in it.

One reason for this void was that many of the upper-tier pro/cat 1 teams weren't here this year. The total starters for the race was 37, down from last year's roster of around 53. Missing were team's like Texas Roadhouse, Geargrinder, Trek/Tradewinds, etc. This left a mostly Iowan field with five Iowa teams notably represented; Mercy-Specialized, Bikes2You/WOB, Thrive, Zealous, and, of course, American Equity.

This suited me just fine... sure some guys attempted to see who could pee the farthest, as we entered brief cross-winds sections or climbed up a hill, but ultimately, it became apparent that we were all basically equally capable of projecting urine. So, this changed the dynamic to feature the concept of trying to waste as little energy as possible (keeping it in your pants?). Launching off the front wasn't going to do much but lower your potential for success when the inevitable field sprint transpired. Of course, depending on your team's situation, this didn't mean that it wasn't occasionally justified.

The day was actually rather warm, and the wind was at an angle that made it a non-factor. American Equity lined up with Lucas Guyton, Jeff Bradley, Lou Waugaman, Paul Deninger, and Myself. Lucas, Jeff, and Lou are very competent in their ability to finish well in a field sprint, so, even though we didn't officially have a 'plan', we are beginning to gel as a team, to know what situations would justify certain tactics. The 'plan' became apparent after a couple of laps.

The first lap was pretty quick. I was feeling good until we got to the main climbing section that heads back toward the start/finish. I couldn't believe how fast we were pushing it up that section. I came into the corner hot, and was reminded that I am definitely not any stronger than these guys... Fortunately, I am not necessarily any weaker either. I am sure everyone had switched their ambitions of winning the pissing contest to their ambitions of not losing their shit (sorry, I am stuck on this metaphor, and it may get worse).

The Pro/1/2 Iowa City Road Race Start...

It seemed like everyone felt that surge, and things calmed down a bit after that. A couple guys got off the front on occasion, including Brandon Krawczyk... he is from Wisconsin, and comes down to Iowa to get some early season form... He was a marked rider because of his past success. Paul mentioned we should let them dangle out their, hoping to take away a little of his snap. I was happy to be able to sort of police things at the front end of the field most of the race. Especially, later in the race when Jeff Barnes of Iowa City ended up executing a lengthy solo breakaway. I wanted to make sure American Equity was represented in attempts to bridge. I also helped keep the breakaways from getting too far out. I had to be very careful to try and stay in the draft, and not waste much energy, though, as I could tell I was tapering on the edge of getting dropped at times. The Mercy-Specialized guys demonstrated a lot of control throughout the race and seemed to be racing with measured strength and cunning. Speaking of measured strength, I was glad not to see my teammates up near me at times when I was using energy... this made me think we were going to have plenty of fire power left for the sprint.

As a metaphor, a pissing contest is used figuratively to characterise ego-driven battling in a pejorative or facetious manner that is often considered vulgar. This becomes specifically interesting with what happened during our last lap. We were so content with not trying to one-up each other in our race, we exposed ourselves to one of the most tragic assaults that the male ego can endure... being beaten by women. Women are in many, many ways the superior species, but I would like to think that men are somewhat more capable in competitions that favor higher testosterone concentrations. Well, what an awkward moment when the entire women's field passed us. Really? the men's elite Cat 1,2 field was getting passed by the women's field. Yep. We didn't have any idea what to do. We decided to neutralize the field and let them roll by. I guess it was sort of a nice break, but weird to just have to sit their and let them roll by, knowing that we were going to have to pass them again once things started to pick up.

Brian Eppen attempted a breakaway late
in the race that nearly split up the group.

So, just when I thought their wouldn't be a pissing contest, the women pulled their chamois down and entered the game. Maybe this was payback for all those times we left the toilet seat up. I wonder if girls are jealous that we can aim our urine. I think this would be especially hard for women during the winter months when men are able to spell out our names in the snow.

A couple miles later we passed them again. I was tempted to try and get some phone numbers, but then realized these girls probably weren't that impressed with us at that moment. (They caught us with our pants UP... embarrasing). A couple guys had girlfriends/wives in the field, and you could hear them greeting their mates... maybe they were setting the stage so they could earn their manhood back later in the evening.

Ok, time to get down to business. Paul Deninger had done a good job of conserving his energy, and our three 'sprinter types' were still in good form to go for some glory as the race came to a close. Bryan Moritz of Bikes2You, had been patiently waiting for his moment to pounce, and did so as the race came to a close. Paul (with some help from Jeff Barnes, and a couple others) eventually closed this down and used the momentum to from a lead-out for Lou, Lucas, and Jeff. Unfortunately, Brandon Krawczyk saw this and climbed aboard the train.

Lou timed his launch to near perfection, blazing around Paul with a powerful burst of adrenaline. Brandon and Matias Perret (Mercy/Specialized) pounced just a split second afterwards. From the back it was hard to tell who won, it was close... Ultimately, Lou got on the podium with a third place finish, while Brandon claimed another victory in Iowa. A nice result for American Equity.

This was a great race. I liked everything about it, except for the fact that I wasn't able to be a factor at the end. I have to think that I am on the upswing, however. And, really, the guys I race against are the at the top end of the game, so it is all good.